Seeking Wisdom

A few nights ago, on my way home from a grocery shopping trip which was I gloriously able to do all alone, I found myself singing along to an old Indigo Girls song that goes "and the less I seek my soul for some definitives, the closer I am to fine..."Okay I have to be honest, I am not a hundred percent sure that that's how the lines go, however, I have a knack for making up lyrics that are surprisingly similar to the real ones so let me know if I'm off here.

Although I don't theologically agree with all of their standpoints in this song-oh well, it's a great song to sing really loud and with gusto! I love to sing it especially loud when they say "the closer I am to fine." This song brings back old memories of being in college and singing along with friends and being goofy, of driving to a cabin in the woods with family and jamming along the way. I love how that one line and those memories always bring a smile to my face.

I started thinking about what a new stage of life I am in as I was driving along Hwy 10, singing this song out loud, groceries in the back, tired from a long day of being wife, mom, friend, pastor, housekeeper and cook all at the same time.  I find myself seeking new wisdom from God in a new season of my life that I have never encountered before. I find myself trying to "navigate life" and seeking wisdom from Him in this new part of the journey we're on.

New seasons are always fun, but they are not always easy. In fact, I believe to my core that some of the greatest rewards come with the heaviest of responsibilities. If you want an easy life there may not be as much difficulty, stress, or pain, but, there may not be as much to show for it in the end. It may even be a little "melba toast" ish as they say. It's predictable, easy, but well, it's kind of bland.

I found myself as a mommy at a new crossroads in life. Our little baby is becoming a little almost two year old toddler. He's starting to understand right from wrong, yes from no, and he's starting to try and push the limits. Of course, that just makes sense, but, that doesn't make it easy.  Which leads me to the point of this blog...

I was on a recent trip to find  a new outfit to wear at the grand opening of our church. I was so excited to go that first thing this am I got up and got myself and Aiden ready to go shopping. We were off to a good start until we entered what I would say made me the happiest woman around....Ann Taylor Loft had a 60% off of clearance sale-and the racks were FULL of some of my favorite things!!! I was off, off and away-ready to shop when suddenly Aiden started to show signs of distress...it started small, whining here and there. I was diligent at ignoring it, handing off crackers to pacify, and then when I found him half unstrapped from his stroller and tipping it over I "unleashed" him to be free as long as he stayed close to me. It actually worked...for about 60 seconds, and then he was off on his own journey into the petites section...At first I tried to explain to him we needed to go towards the other section as mommy is not in petites, however, that's where he wanted to stay. I started to steer him towards my desired area of shopping and it spiraled downwards from there. For those of you that have not heard this fact, when Aiden was very little he would cry so hard he'd pass out and stop breathing. Yes pass out. Stop breathing. Gone blue. Scary stuff. Apparently this is typical in 25 percent of kids (according to our Dr) and you are simply supposed to lay them down on a soft surface and ignore it-apparently their body's brain will trigor them into breathing after they pass out and to intervene is to delay their response time in breathing. Thankfully for us this has been something he hasn't done for quite awhile. Until today, at Ann Taylor Loft, in the amazingly stocked clearance section. Lets just say from there I did my best to bring him to a dressing room and calm him, but alas, with cheez its thrown across the floor and clothes half off hangers all over, it was time to give in, call it quits and go home.

As I left I saw the looks of empathy from some women and disdain from other women who had already passed judgement and forgotten what it was like (or never known) to be in those shoes before. By the time I got him into his car seat and into the car John called and I cried. I cried a good twenty minutes home, trying to figure out if there was something wrong with my disciplinary style, my parenting ideas, or maybe even my son because he seemed far more dramatic at his tantrums than other kids his age.....it was just a moment of great confusion, questioning, and wondering if change needed to take place and whether the problem lied in myself, my child or both of us.

On our way home I decided it was a Mc Donald's day. This happens about once every sixth months for us as I am not a big fan, but today was that day. It was also a Dunn Brothers skim mocha ice crema day for me. We went on a good long drive, he watched Ratatouille and giggled and laughed (of course, he was in an excellent mood by then) and I just prayed, calmed down, and looked around for a possible future home for us one day. By the time we got back to the house we were both more relaxed and the caffeine had dulled an oncoming headache down. I was reminded of the advice our Pastor gave John and I when we were under stress years ago...he said "go for a drive, get a burger and a malt, hang out and watch a movie...sometimes, you just need a burger and some ice cream and to get your mind off of stuff." An ice crema was an equally good substitute I must say.

Later on, as I laid my calm, cute baby boy down for his nap I found myself smiling as he held out his hand to me while I was rocking him to sleep asking me to "pway" which means he wants me to pray with him. As I pwayed with him before his nap I began to pray God would help me as a mommy to this specific child, that he would give me wisdom and knowledge of how to guide him and care for him. What to do, not to do, and everything in between. I prayed Aiden would begin to enjoy the benefits of listening to mommy and daddy more, that he would learn to obey and be good when he needed to and to have fun and be at peace. Is that too much for a two year old? Maybe it's a long shot at times, but I know prayer is a good starting point.

I guess for now I'll just keep seeking wisdom from God as my life and my little baby keep changing before my eyes. I thank God whether I know the answers or not, I can always go to Him and pray and seek His wisdom.

James 1:5
If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you