A true Christmas miracle and the power of one word

As I write this blog I am in tears. My tears are over the loss of someone who has become very dear to our hearts that just passed away today, the day after Christmas. He lived a short life, but one of the most beautiful lives I have heard of or seen.


I have been touched by so many things that are happening in the lives of those who we know and love lately. There seems to be a lot of hardships that we have heard about, but since their stories are not mine to share I won’t go into details. However, the life of this little three year old boy touched me so much that I wanted to share his story with others who may be inspired by him as I have been.  His mother gave me permission to share his story because she wants the miracle of his life to be an encouragement to others.

This little man, Jameson Carrigan, was admitted to the hospital about four months ago to take care of a hernia.  In the process they diagnosed him with lymphangiomatosis and for the next four months he would go through a battery of medical procedures, tests and trials all in an attempt to make him better. There is a link to his caring bridge below.  I’d encourage those of you in my life who have gone through recent trials big or small to be encouraged by what I believe are God inspired journals that these parents have written. You can read them at:

www.caringbridge.org/visit/jamesoncarrigan/journal/2tly to check out which is:

The most beautiful part of this story was the love that his parents and family had for him and for God, and the way they viewed this entire process. They did not blame God, they did not hold It against him, but rather, in one of her last journal entries before Jameson passed, his mother Meghan shared

“We are still praying that God will heal him miraculously on this earth and we are still treating him and hoping he is able to muster the strength to come back to us.  My God is good all of the time and I am so thankful and honored that he chose us to have Jameson.  I don't blame Him for wanting him back so soon; my son is the best gift ever given.  Thank you for your prayers and support; we need it now more than ever.  Love, Meghan

What more can someone say other than what an attitude of gratefulness, what a heart filled with thanksgiving. What a way to celebrate a life and to leave a great legacy on this earth until they join their son one day in heaven. I am in awe through every journal she has written by the love, the positivity, the faith and the hope that this family has. It gives me a renewed perspective on everything in my life and the lives of those around me. It makes me want to be stronger and more grateful in every detail of my life.

I have been thinking a lot lately about the impact of this one simple word on any and every thing we encounter in our lives and that is: attitude. The way we see the world, glass half empty or half full, God’s provision or God’s negligence towards us, all affect the way we live every experience we will encounter, day in or day out. Attitude affects the way we feel physically, emotionally, spiritually and mentally. It affects our health. If we chose not see the world with eyes of faith or hope we have stress that simply sits in our spirit causing anything from sleepless nights or ulcers. Many people point to their circumstances as an indicator of how they feel or even as an excuse not to move forward in life, yet I completely and one hundred percent disagree with that theory. Do not get me wrong- circumstances bring forth all types of emotions  They bring forth happiness, sadness, stress, grief, love, excitement and every other feeling under the sun. These ranges of emotions are all healthy, we all have to experience them, and we all have to accept that not every day is going to be an easy road. That’s just the nature of life.  I believe, however, that there is something far greater than circumstances that affect our day to day life and that is summed up in the word:

Attitude
By Dr Charles Swindoll

The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life.

Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company... a church... a home.

The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude... I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it.

And so it is with you... we are in charge of our attitudes.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about my own attitude, and how it affects me, my family, my health, and those I come into contact with daily. I’ve been thinking a lot about it as we get closer to the launch of Northstar Community Church. I could look forward with eyes of fear, stress and worry. I could see all there is to be done and what I would like to have done better. I could go so far as to worry about what we will do if things don’t work out for the church, I can play this game until I find myself and my family not knowing what to do, worried about our future or how we’d bounce back. With one stream of thinking I can paint a horrible picture, full of bad things, trials and struggles. If I hold onto that attitude and fear the uncertain strongly enough, the worse might just come to pass.

OR….I can see the future with eyes of faith as it talks about in the Word. I can see our family life growing stronger, healthier and more vibrant by the day. I can see me and my husband ministering and living our dream and calling together in a unique and inspiring way.  I can see my son growing up and making life-long friends in this new church, having a common heritage and stories to share with kiddos like Hannah, Emmery and Jude. I can see an entire community that is changed by God simply because a small group of people went forward with expectation and belief that HE is more than able to build his Church. If I hold onto that thought for long enough, it just may come to pass. If I have faith to believe the scriptures in my Bible, and hold on to them without letting go, I may see far greater things than I can come up with in this blog come to pass.

See the power in that-just thirty seconds stuck in either stream of thought and my life looks completely different. My feelings are totally altered. My faith is either inspired or extinguished. My family is encouraged or discouraged. My marriage is built up or torn down. My future is bright or dim. My heritage is fruitless or powerful. It all starts with one word-ATTITUDE.

The Tipping Point

I've been meaning to blog for some time about re-encountering some semblance of "balance" in our lives as of late.  There was a popular book out a few years ago on leadership called "The Tipping Point" and that is actually not what this blog is about. Instead, it is more about finding that place again in my life where I feel like spiritually, emotionally, mentally and physically I am healthy and happy again-instead of feeling like any small thing could "tip" me over the edge emotionally/mentally/spiritually/etc.

For awhile we'd been working so hard and for so long that we had very little time to worry about anything other than our new baby northstar.  It's a complete oxymoron (I like this word and use it often) for someone in ministry to allow the work of ministry to overtake them (aren't we supposed to be a picture of health in our overall lives) but we are just as human as the next and the work load is pretty big. Thankfully, however, it's always been our families goal to regain what we had developed in our lives in Chicago. A healthy blend of what we needed to be healthy and whole in every area of our lives personally and as a family.

I feel like I am finally staring to find "me"again and man that feels so good! As our house is now "established" and we're putting roots down into a community we don't see ourselves leaving for a very, very long time. We of course want to plant more churches down the road, but our vision is simply to send people from within our midst to go into the communities God has put on their heart and continue starting new churches. We don't see ourselves, however, being the ones to leave but rather to send.

I think for me, as a woman, to know that we are in a place where I can settle in, put down my roots, and get comfortable for a very long time there comes a sense of wanting to establish my life in such a deep, meaningful way here. I recently joined a mom's group in our community and I love it. I love that I am meeting such fabulous ladies who are SO hospitable and have already become fast friends to me. I also love that Aiden is meeting other little kids in the area that he'll likely be in grade school, sports, etc. with. It's any woman's dreams to have a healthy, happy family life being established and I see so many things I am excited to do now and look forward to being a part of in the future. I definitely want to be in the PTA and to be that mom that helps in the classroom. I love that kind of stuff and the connections it helps me to make with so many great people.

Along with making great personal connections in our new hometown, we have recently been blessed to be gifted with a membership to the YMCA. I have been someone who has always had a membership to a work out club and it was hard for me to go without that for the last year or so. For me, it's a way to outlet stress and to keep some of my melancholy tendencies at bay. It's very easy for my personality to be introspective and get caught up in my thoughts, so, it's important for me to get my serotonin pumping and moving through my body regularly (especailly in the winter!). It just makes me feel good, even if I am by no means a great athlete or fitness guru. It's also just time for "me" something that my personality thrives in. I love having alone time, especially as a mom and being in ministry, something that is purely "selfishly" for myself. I also love being able to pretend I am not in the Arctic when I sit in a warm hot tub and look outside on a sunny day. It immediately boosts my spirits! Even if I do LOVE being back in my little Arctic home state that has white mountain snow banks all around us right now!

I am so thankful to be re encountering my "blend" or balance of healthy, happy living again. It's so important to me that I have time for prayer and meditation, reading the Bible and other books that challenge my thinking, having time with other women in the same life stage, and having time for just me - and the best is John and I are getting regular date nights for the first time since Aiden's been born (a MUST in marriage!). It makes doing all the other stuff that isn't as easy to do (keeping up the house, working on challenging stuff for the church, etc.) so much more enjoyable.

I was sharing with John these thoughts on our date night last night. I told him it wasn't that I needed an equal amount of time spent between my spiritual, mental, emotional and physical selves, but rather, that what  I  needed what was a good "blend" of all for me to thrive. I think everyone has a need for these areas to be fulfilled in their lives. If one is lacking, it seems all are lacking. We all seem to have our own unique mix of time spent in each area that lets us get to a place where we thrive personally, and our goal is to keep fighting to get back to this place when we start to lose grip of it. It seems it's alway a battle to keep our priorities in line in life, but I am glad that there are times we can attain and enjoy that achievement, even if it may escape us again due to circumstances. The one thing is, we always want to aim to get back to that place even if we lose it from time to time.

The Church Planter's Wife

Well I have done it...I have started my own blog. I may be ten years behind on things, but, I found recently that my facebook status updates were too long and probably a little bit on overload with information about Northstar Community Church and what we are doing day after day.

I know my blog title for some may incite feelings of frustration as though I do not have a personal identity of my own. Really I've just always liked the book "The Pilot's Wife" and that's the inspiration of my title. Along with that, the rare nature of what John and I are doing has a massive impact on my daily life. Not to say that  our ministry overshadows other important aspects of my world, but it is an all consuming task to do something like starting a new church. In many ways it's similar to opening any business one is passionate about, it's an all day, every day thing. You find yourself eating it, drinking it, breathing it, sleeping it and starting all over with it again the next day. There are some days that I sit back and think "wow, I cannot believe we are living our dream! What an amazing heritage we will leave in this community and for our family. This is the best "job" ever!" and then there are the days where I wonder what in the world we have taken on!

I will be very honest in this blog about some my journey and the things we have gone through in planting a church. There have been amazing days, days of the miraculous happening, days of God's favor in our lives and in our church. Then, there are days where I have compared my feelings to this scripture in 2 Corinthians 1:8-11

" ^8-11We don't want you in the dark, friends, about how hard it was when all this came down on us in Asia province. It was so bad we didn't think we were going to make it. We felt like we'd been sent to death row, that it was all over for us. As it turned out, it was the best thing that could have happened. Instead of trusting in our own strength or wits to get out of it, we were forced to trust God totally—not a bad idea since he's the God who raises the dead! And he did it, rescued us from certain doom. And he'll do it again, rescuing us as many times as we need rescuing. You and your prayers are part of the rescue operation—I don't want you in the dark about that either. I can see your faces even now, lifted in praise for God's deliverance of us, a rescue in which your prayers played such a crucial part"

That was the verse that described my personal sentiments the week we were supposed to move into Coon Rapids. John had been sent by ambulance from the Dr's office to the hospital for fear he had a pulmonary embolism which can be very fatal. We were supposed to be moving in two days, our two year old was teething, and we were under a lot of strain. Most people would say "move another weekend" which would be logical. However, as a church planter you are completely dependent on other church's and people's support to start your church and John had every weekend until December booked to be out of town for fundraising. There was no way we could wait two more months to move. I felt like a women very pregnant with a dream (our church) taking on the weight of the world that weekend. I am sure my husband felt even worse, but I can't share how it was for him. All I know is this,as I sat at his hospital bed inundated with concerns for my husband's life, concerns for the medical costs we couldn't afford (part of church planing involves basically investing your total lives savings and not taking a paycheck so that was a big worry) and wondering if it would be better off if something bad did happen to us and we'd have to just avoid going further with what we knew God had definitely called us to. It was that intense for us.

The best part of  the story is this- we have some amazing support out there. I called two people, a women from our ministry in Chicago who literally has set aside days to be in prayer for us and our church and asked her to begin to pray. I also called Pastor Carlos in Chicago, he's always going to be our Pastor and he can handle my raw emotions. I'd worked at our church with him and John for five years and there had been a few moments where my emotional side had reared it's ugly head (imagine that!) and since he's a New Yorker and a man of prayer he could handle it! So, I cried to both of them about our woes, felt sorry for myself, and asked them to help pray me through it because I just didn't have the strength that day. They did.

When we got to our rental home in Coon Rapids (after my husband got lost for over an hour with the moving truck-remember, he's not familiar with all of MN territory) we found ourselves greeted by some of the most amazing members of our launch team, family and friends. John and I put our happy faces on and our amazing support group helped us far more than we expected or deserved. I am sure they sensed our level of exhaustion, and as amazing example of the Christian life they selflessly spent their Saturday taking care of us, moving us in and unpacking everything while we tried to help with the little reserves we had left. By the end of the day we were mostly unpacked. By the end of the week we were completely done and looked like we'd been there for months.  That story, my friends, shows the way the body of Christ was intended to operate. It shows the beauty of people whom we've just reconnected with or just met doing things for us that some folks wouldn't do for a close family member. That's the love and selflessness of Jesus being on full display for us and now for all of you reading this. And this is why I love the church as much as many oppose it-because when operating at it's full potential, in health, in an attitude where it's not about one's self but the needs of those around us, it is one amazing picture of the love of God.  That's the kind of church we want to be at Northstar, and that's the kind of lives we are daily striving to live now before we ever open the front doors.

Regardless of the challenges we've gone through or the blessings we've received while doing this, we know it is what God has called us to do and we are thankful he is using US! I am sure there are many other people that would be just as capable (if not more) of doing what we're doing but maybe they just didn't have the cajones (yes, I said it, I do use that word from time to time and since it's in Spanish you may not know what it means!) to put it all on the line like we are.

Many people have asked us, why does this matter to us so much? We could easily have taken other opportunities that presented themselves and do an"easier" form of ministry (that technically is an oxymoron that we already know doesn't exist in any church). Our simple explanation is this-we feel like we have a once in a lifetime chance to do something we are passionate about, with freedom of expression to do "church" as we feel it should be done, and in a way that we believe will be a great ministry outlet for many other people that are just like us out there. People who have real issues, real fears and real pain. We want a chance to introduce them to the real God that helped us, and still guides us daily, through many of the same life issues.  There are lots of spiritual stories and reasons why we feel to do this, times of prayer where we've felt God moving, but those sound all so impractical to many people. Yet when you state the practical facts-that we are starting a new church in a town of 67,000 people that has a small handful of churches (6) and none that are representative of the style of ministry we want to do-we see a problem that needs a solution. We believe our church will be a place of refuge, of finding God and his help in navigating through this life that is never simple or easy. So that's about it in a nutshell.

I am very excited to use this blog as a place to share the very real, honest, vulnerable day to day things that we are experiencing-the good and the bad-while going through this journey of starting a new church. If anything, it's going to be a great outlet to process all of this "new" stuff that we are learning and going through every single day of our lives.